Responding to a Tax Demand

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Gizmokid2005
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Responding to a Tax Demand

Post by Gizmokid2005 » November 21st, 2007, 1:55 pm

This is reputed to be the text of a letter sent by
An Australian farmer in response to a final tax demand:


Dear Sir
Your letter arrived this morning in an open envelope
And it would have given the son and myself much pleasure
Had it not revived in us a melancholy reflection of
What had gone before. You say you thought the account
Should have been settled long ago and you could not
Understand why it hadn't; well here are the reasons.

In 1954 I bought a sawmill on credit.

In 1955 I bought a team of horses, two ponies, a timber wagon,
A double barrel shotgun and two razorback pigs, all on credit.

In 1956 the bloody mill was burnt to the ground leaving not a
Damn thing; one of my ponies died and I loaned the other to a
Stupid lolnofather?? who starved the poor buggar to death. Then I
Joined the Church.

In 1957 my father died and my brother was jailed for rape.
A tramp seduced my daughter and I had to pay the lolnofather?? $500
To stop him becoming a relative.

In 1958 one of my boys got the mumps. It spread to his balls
And he had to be castrated to save his life. Later that year
While out fishing, the boat overturned drowning two of my boys
- neither being the one who was castrated.

In 1959 my wife ran away with a sheep shearer and left me with
Twins as a souvenir.

I then had to have a housekeeper whom I married to keep down
Expenses. I had a hell of a job to make her pregnant, so I
Went to the doctor and he advised me to create some excitement
At the crucial moment. That night I took my shotgun to bed
With me and at the time I thought was right I fired the gun
Through the window. The wife stinkypoo the bed, I ruptured myself
And the next morning I found I had shot the best cow I ever had.

In 1960 someone cut the nuts off my bull. I was buggered and
Took to drink and I didn't stop until all I had left was a
Pocket watch and a weak bladder. Winding the watch and running
For a wee wee kept me busy for a while.

After a time I took heart again and bought on credit a manure
Spreader, a reaper and binder and another cow. Then came the
Floods and washed the bloody lot away.

In 1961 my wife got VD from a travelling salesman and
One of my sons died from wiping his arse on an infected
Rabbit skin.

It surprises me very much that you say you will cause me trouble
If I don't pay up. If you can think of anything I've missed out
On I should like to know about it.

Trying to get money out of me is like trying to poke butter up
A porcupines arse with a red hot needle, so I wish you luck in
Your efforts. I'm praying for a shower of possum stinkypoo to come
Your way and I hope the centre of it is over the bunch of bastards
In your office who sent me this final demand

Yours sincerely

Bruce Foster

MikelannF
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Joined: November 10th, 2007, 12:52 pm

Re: Responding to a Tax Demand

Post by MikelannF » November 23rd, 2007, 11:24 am

Bahaha nice.
That guy has my last name.

Gizmokid2005
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Re: Responding to a Tax Demand

Post by Gizmokid2005 » November 23rd, 2007, 11:11 pm

That he does...I wonder if there is any relation ;)

MikelannF
Posts: 90
Joined: November 10th, 2007, 12:52 pm

Re: Responding to a Tax Demand

Post by MikelannF » November 24th, 2007, 1:13 am

I hope not.

Gizmokid2005
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Re: Responding to a Tax Demand

Post by Gizmokid2005 » November 24th, 2007, 10:31 am

Me too.

MikelannF
Posts: 90
Joined: November 10th, 2007, 12:52 pm

Re: Responding to a Tax Demand

Post by MikelannF » November 27th, 2007, 11:24 pm

I'd change my name.

Gizmokid2005
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Re: Responding to a Tax Demand

Post by Gizmokid2005 » November 27th, 2007, 11:29 pm

Someday you might not really have a choice ;)

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